Stay With Me
by anonymous.mystery95
Summary: Five times Barry stayed overnight with Caitlin platonically and one time it definitely wasn't.
1. all i want (always be my one phone call)

When he eventually stumbled into STAR Labs, his body still aching from the fight that ended only seconds ago, the suit all but destroyed, he was welcomed to a sight he would cherish for the years to come. Because there was Caitlin, sitting at her desk, as though there was nothing wrong with the world, as though she hadn't been kidnapped but hours ago.

He stilled at the image, taking in all that he could, from the ponytail she had tied her locks in, to the bruise developing on her forehead.

He attempted to move forward, closer to her, wincing at the pain of his injuries which had not yet healed, his step rather heavy footed. The noise echoed in the quiet laboratory and he knew that his presence would no longer be unknown to the woman who had proved her strength tenfold that day.

She jumped, turning around to rebuke whoever would startle her in such a fashion when she saw him, and those words died on her tongue.

"Barry, my goodness, what happened?" He realised what he must look like to her, suit utterly ruined, the burns of both flame and frost doing damage to much more than the material, but to the man underneath as well.

"I needed to stop Snart Cait. And I did." He could tell how disturbed she was by the answer, but she didn't respond immediately as he could tell she wanted to, she merely fussed over him, pulling the ruined suit off his body and dragging him to the bed.

(He never told her that he _had_ to catch them, that it was not motivated by a sense of justice, but by the overpowering need for revenge. Because they took her, they took Caitlin, and there was nothing in the world he had desired more than seeing them pay for their deeds.)

"You need to stop risking yourself like that Barry, you need to come back from these missions, you know." She took care of him, tending to his wounds, and he relaxed, his eyes falling shut as he relished in the warmth her hands emitted, warmth that proved she was alive, that she was okay.

"Caitlin," he called to her but she ignored him, instead continuing to attend to his wounds, her focus solely on helping him, healing him, being there for him. (And he hated that he could not confess to having done the same). "Caitlin." And this time she did stop, his hand holding her wrist steady against his chest, his eyes burning with such an intensity she felt as though she would not be able to move whether or not he held her in place, she could scarcely believe that the effect of him was not more pronounced.

"What is it Barry? Is something wrong?" And the concern in her voice, that she hadn't done enough, that she missed something, that she was _hurting_ him, it was too much. She faced possibly the greatest criminals in the city, demanding that he protect his identity without a flicker of hesitation, and here she was worried about him.

"I'm so sorry Caitlin." Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, unsure of what had elicited this type of response from the man. "I'm sorry that you were put in danger because of me, I'm sorry that I wasn't there to help you, I'm sorry I put you in a position that you would die for me, to protect my identity." And it was him that broke eye contact, unable to keep looking into her compassionate eyes. "I'm sorry that you felt that would have been better for me to stay away than it would be for me to come for you."

"Oh Barry." And she was at a loss for words, seeing such a defeated look on his face, guilt etched so deeply, she didn't know what to say to make it all better, to see that smile she had grown so fond of. "The city needs you Barry, it needs you more than anybody needs me." And it was like a physical blow, hearing those words come out of her lips, knowing that she believed it. He sat up instantly, pulling her closer to him, as though their proximity would have any bearing on her understanding of his feelings, of just how much he had come to need her in the short time he had known her, of just how serious he truly was.

"I need you Caitlin, I probably wouldn't be alive if it wasn't _for_ you so please - " He paused in frustration, forcing him to ground out the rest of the sentence. "- Never say that again." He stretched, his body already healing most of his wounds, and he let go of her, preparing to leave, stopping only to say one more thing to his doctor. "Oh, and if you need me, for anything Caitlin, I _will_ be there." She nodded silently, her mind already drifting off back to her research, but in an instant he was in front of her, pulling her back to him, refusing to let her forget, refusing to fail her again. "I'm serious Caitlin, promise me you'll call if something happens."

"I promise Barry."

And she did.

That night.

* * *

_Pain. All she could feel was pain. The rope was digging into her skin, the hot atmosphere doing nothing to remove the deep chill that had settled upon her. She was kidnapped, of that she was certain, but the people were no where to be seen. She couldn't remember who, or why - all she knew was that they were after Barry and he needed to be protected at all costs. He couldn't come, not for her, not since the area was rigged with explosives._

_She had to escape. She was suffocating, the humidity and lack of oxygen in the room was making her feel nauseous. She struggled against the ropes, the burn of the friction doing nothing to discourage her attempts to set herself free._

_But then the Flash was in front of her, a stupid grin on his face, unaware that he had triggered the alarm. She tried screaming at him, telling him it was a trap, that he had to run or he would _die.

_But there was silence; she couldn't speak, couldn't scream. Her mind was pleading for any form of noise to escape her, praying for any warning that would tell him to stay away. But nothing did._

_However, there was also no explosion._

_He was kneeling beside her, his fingers quickly working the knots tying her in place while he looked up at her, that ever present cheesy smile lighting up her heart as she felt that maybe, just maybe, they would both be safe. She reciprocated with a hesitant one of her own, hope filling her as she was finally being freed. But they were both so distracted by the other that they never heard another person come from behind, they never saw them lift up the gun and they never knew the shot had been made until it was too late. She saw the life slowly drain from him, the light in his eyes dimmed as he took his final breath. She thrashed about, needing to save him from the cold effects of the gun, but she couldn't, she could only watch in horror as he died, the cold stripping the life from the hero, her panicked face the last thing he saw before succumbing to the oblivion calling his name._

_And yet again another person she cared about was in danger because of her. Barry, Ronnie, both weren't supposed to be there, dying, but they were and it was all because of her._

_She heard the crunch of the footsteps, the murderer still present. And she turned, looking the killer dead in the eye, hatred overtaking all else in her soul, pure, unadulterated fury towards whoever would kill Barry. But she caught a glimpse of the killer's face and a numbness just spread through her, unable to move, to turn away from what she had just seen._

_It was her. She was holding the cold gun built by Cisco - she had this demented smile on her face, joy at his death undeniable to even herself._

_It was _her_ fault._

_Caitlin Snow killed the Flash._

* * *

She awoke with a jerk, her body drenched in sweat, her heart racing faster than it ever had before, unaware of the tears rolling down her face. Images were flashing in her mind, the nightmare and reality merging together in that horrid moment.

Her hands trembled as she reached for her mobile, desperate to hear his voice in her ear, to soothe the feelings that were haunting her.

But it continued to ring.

With every passing second the fear grew, the thought that maybe it wasn't just a dream, but a repressed memory expressing itself becoming more firm in her mind and she couldn't help the tears that were welling up once more.

But then he was there, his anxious gaze all she could see, the panic he felt on full display. The ringing in her ears lessened as she took in the sight she was gifted, Barry Allen safe and sound and _alive_, his hands resting on her shoulders, pulling her against his own chest, the steady beat of his heart calming her down, lulling her to sleep. Because she was safe now, _he _was safe now, and that was all she needed.

She could feel the vibrations as she leant on his chest, curled in his lap, comforted by his embrace. She pulled away slowly, her eyes solely focussed on him, making sure that this was not a dream, but reality. She watched his long fingers rise, wiping away the remnants of tears that had been streaming down her face, and she saw his pain as earnestly as she felt her own.

"What was it Caitlin? What was wrong?"

"It's stupid really." And he could see her walls rising, the emotions drifting away, leaving a guarded heart behind.

"Cait, please." They both heard his voice crack, desperation seeping into his tone and she couldn't say no, not to him. She nodded her head slowly, missing the warmth of his fingers against her skin as he pulled his away from her.

"I was kidnapped again, and you came to save me... you came and- and you got killed. By me. But it wasn't me because I was tied up and you were releasing me, but when I saw who shot you I saw my face and -" She broke off hyperventilating, the emotions still so raw, the recollection of the dream painful, tears falling yet again as her mind continued to torture her when the others could not.

"Oh Caitlin," and he pulled her against him once more, his shirt soaking up her tears, his hands rubbing her arms, willing her shaking to stop. He hated those men for doing this to Caitlin, for trying to break an already damaged girl and he despised himself for being responsible.

"You don't get it Barry, I _killed _you, I - I killed you." He could feel his heart break as she screamed those words against him, the scars left by those kidnappers more than the bumps and bruises he could physically see. "I don't think I could survive losing another person I care about and knowing I could have done something to stop it."

"You won't lose me Caitlin, not if I have anything to say about it." He pressed a kiss against her forehead as he felt her relax in his arms and reluctantly, he decided to put her back in her bed before leaving. His arms felt empty, his chest almost hollow as she was no longer cocooned in his arms. He had lingered by her doorway, watching the woman as she rested peacefully and he felt a stirring in his heart, of something he couldn't quite explain. He turned to leave when her voice echoed in the room.

"Wait Barry, please don't leave." Her voice was hoarse, the toll of the day finally catching up with the woman, and he couldn't. He couldn't resist her request, he couldn't leave her, not now, not after it all. And so he returned to her side, sliding himself in the bed, relaxing himself against the headboard, running his fingers down her arm, attempting to comfort her in any way he could.

"I'm so sorry Caitlin, I'm sorry that I did this to you."

"You're sorry you saved me?"

"No! But I -"

"But that's exactly what you did Barry Allen, that's what you've been doing every day since you've awoken from your coma, you're saving me now." She snuggled closer to his warm body, her voice filled with fatigue as she struggled to finish what she wanted to say. "The Flash may be the saviour of the city, but I've got a personal hero in you Barry." And she fell asleep. She would never know how his breath caught at her words, how he looked down at her, awe written across his face as the words resounded in his soul.

* * *

(And in a few years, when she walked down that aisle in a white dress, as the exchanged vows and I do's, she reminded him yet again of her words that fateful night.

Because the city would may have the Flash, but she had all of him, and that is all she desired.)


	2. you and me (we can only make believe)

_1x12 missing scene_

* * *

"Stay with me until I fall asleep?"

He heard it, the vulnerability hidden deep within her words, the fear that he would leave her, leave her like everybody else in her life, and he knew in that very moment, as the last syllables left her mouth what his answer would be. Her eyes were drooping, but she refused to close them without hearing his voice, not wanting the night to end, not just yet.

"Sure, yeah." He sat on the bed, his hand seeking her, rubbing her thigh to provide comfort to the woman, his thumb drawing circles against the blanket, the light pressure providing a small relief to the woman. They remained in silence, her breath steadying as she felt the draw of slumber pull her ever closer, the man instead reminiscing on the night he had just had with the amazing woman before him.

"Barry," her voice held a childlike quality, unburdened by the troubles of the world, and he found himself wishing that she wouldn't need to be intoxicated in order for him to hear it from her.

He hummed in response, distracted by his thoughts of her, of their night together.

"Sing me a song please, a lullaby to help me sleep."

And in that moment he froze.

Because he was no longer a twenty five year old man, comforting his friend after she had drunk too much, he was a ten year old boy, afraid of the dark, pleading for his mother to sing something that would frighten away the monsters of the night, to remain those extra moments because he didn't want to be alone.

"You don't have too, it was just a suggestion." He realised that he hadn't responded to her question, her dejected tone and her miserable attempt to hide the hurt from it, indicated just what she had assumed from his silence.

"No! No…." And he found that he _did_ want to sing for Caitlin, to share that special moment he had with his mother with her too.

"Good." She sighed happily at his words, snuggling further in her blanket, content. "And don't think I've forgotten you lied to me."

"Huh?" He was curious to what the drunk woman would be referring to, his mind replaying the night again, wondering what he could have missed.

"Not a good singer my ass, you're - amazing." She had failed to stifle the yawn that disrupted her sentence, but seeing the look of amusement on his face she found that she didn't mind. "Song please."

And so he sang to her, soft and open, words hadn't spoken aloud for fifteen years, the last time uttered was that fateful night. She let his voice wash over her, comfort her, and not for the first time she thought about this in a less than platonic sense. She thought about him underneath the covers instead of over them, his fingers wrapped wound her waist pulling her closer to the warmth of his body and not just lying there on her thigh.

She felt herself falling slowly, almost missing his exit, the slight pressure of his lips against her forehead stirring her from her fatigued state. She may or may not have made a noise voicing her displeasure, she wasn't entirely sure, but he paused, his eyes flickering to meet hers, a fond smile breaking across his face as they caught.

"Go to sleep Caitlin." He could hear the smile in his own voice, the image before him causing something within him to constrict slightly, the intensity of the tightness in his chest at seeing her laying there, so beautiful and carefree, taking him by surprise.

"But then you'll go." They could both hear the disappointment in her tone, the thought of him leaving not appealing to either of them.

"I won't go if you don't want me too Cait."

"Good, 'cause I never want you to leave." And nodding to herself at the declaration, knowing that he wouldn't leave her, she allowed herself to sleep.

He dismissed her words as the ramblings of a drunk woman, but he couldn't deny the pull it had upon his heartstrings, the moment with Linda replaying on his mind, the thought of her being his girlfriend more appealing than he had cared to admit. So, in the darkness of night, the barriers against the heart's desires formed by the cruel realities of life ripped away, he let himself wonder of a future where that would be true.

And he remained there, watching his friend as she slept, contemplating the changes in their relationship, wondering whether it would flow if it were to develop into something more.

* * *

As the first rays of dawn made their way through the crack in her curtain, caressing her skin, illuminating her beauty, Barry knew that he should be leaving. He knew he should, but he couldn't bring himself to leave her, to leave the bubble that they had created last night.

She stirred, a muffled sound of dispeasure escaping her lips at the sound of the alarm's incessant beeping, her eyes blearily opening to hit the snooze button.

And in that instant Barry sped out of the room, fearful that she would catch him, unsure of how his presence would be taken by the most likely hung over doctor, whether she would remember anything of the night before.

* * *

He met her again at the entrance of the elevators, a large cup of coffee in his hand, doing nothing to ward away the sleepiness of staying awake that night, his increased metabolism ruining its effects.

He breathed deeply at her being fine, though he couldn't deny that his heart dropped at her confession of not remembering, the moments between them so personal and intimate and _real_, now just a distant dream.

The was a flare of hope when she remembered their duet together and he wanted to ask about it, he wanted to tell her that he had never shared the song and those memories with any other person, he wanted to ask her why she never wanted him to leave. He wanted to watch her face, take in those reactions - he had dealt with one unrequited love for too long, and darn it, he didn't want to fall into another.

And it would be so easy to fall.

* * *

(He didn't know what caused him to pick up the phone after the conversation, to call Linda and arrange a lunch date.

Okay, he did.

But he wasn't ready, _she _wasn't ready.

And if he was running into the arms of another because he was too afraid to see where it could possibly lead, where _they_ could possibly go together…

… He may have been a hero, but he was also human.

Oh so very human.)


	3. in a world like this (i got you)

_post 1x14:_

* * *

When Barry walked past Iris' old room, preparing for another night in his old room, haunted by the memories of the past and the fears for the future, he didn't expect to hear something fall or the quiet litany of curses to follow.

But most of all he didn't expect to see Caitlin, her petite body crouching before him, picking up the fallen books from the floor.

"Caitlin?" Her name fell easily from his lips; his confusion infused with the warmth that overflowed whenever he saw her. The thought of her keeping cover and staying the night, even after Ronnie had left hadn't occurred to him yet, but now it did, now that it was happening, he wasn't sure how to feel, a jumble of emotions bubbling within him.

"Oh hey Barry." She jumped up, startled by the presence of the young man, yet the easy smile that spread across her face, not hiding the pleasantness she felt from the surprise appearance.

"What are you doing?"

"I was going to bed, but then I saw Iris' book collection and well…" She trailed off sheepishly, unsure as to why she was so embarrassed before her friend.

"No, I meant here." His words were unfiltered and blunt; he had not expected this, not expected her. Here. Without Ronnie. Her apartment was different, it was safe, but having her here, in his house, preparing to spend the night, that felt so close and personal and _right._

(But that made it feel oh, so very wrong.)

"Oh." There was a drop in her tone, a recoil of emotions as the words hit her. "Well, just because Iris knows that Ronnie has left, it doesn't mean that she still doesn't believe my apartment is getting fumigated. And she left dinner rather late, so I had to make the lie believable. But if you want I can go back and just tell her I crashed Cisco's apartment instead."

"Caitlin," and he was in front her, grasping her arms, drawing her close, his frustrations and fears fading instantly when seeing the effect his words had on her. "God no, you're always welcome here, cover or not. _Always_. I was just surprised, that's all."

"Really? Because if you don't want me staying in her room…"

"_Really_." And there was no way she could possibly doubt the truth behind those words, not with the look on his face, its intensity stealing her breath for a moment. "And if you get ready for bed I can stay until you fall asleep." She looked at him quizzically, the words seeming so familiar, a memory that she couldn't quite recollect teasing the edges of her mind. He was taunting her, but the thought of his presence there, an anchor in a room and world so odd and unfamiliar to her, she found herself feeling more and more at peace with the thought.

"I would like that." His teasing smirk dropped slightly, a soft smile taking its place, the warmth in his eyes sending butterflies fluttering within her. Her smile was a little too wide and lingered just a little too much; she had turned to the bed to hide her inability to remove it, but his hands had grasped her arms again, pulling her around to him once more.

"Wait -you're going to sleep in that?" She looked down at her clothing, noting it wasn't ideal, but it was the only thing she had with her.

"Well, I thought about asking if Iris had any old clothes but I didn't think -" She cut off as a gust of wind was left in his wake, Barry already rushing off to grab a pair of his own clothing and returning almost instantly. "- that would be the greatest idea."

Pushing him playfully out the door, she closed it before slipping out of her own clothing and into his shirt, choosing to ignore the fact that being immersed in his scent and the warmth of the clothing was making her feel as though she was in his hold, and that it brought a feeling of relaxation and safety she hadn't felt in months.

(But Ronnie was back, Ronnie was _alive_.

She owed them a second chance and whatever she was feeling for Barry could not affect that.

Even if it already had.)

"You're taking a long time Caitlin, are you sure you don't need some saving?" He stumbled as the door he was leaning on was pulled from behind him, catching himself only to be greeted by the sight of her, dressed and ready for bed. _In his clothing_.

"What exactly did you mean by that, Mr Allen?" And there was a sparkle in her eye as she spoke, a challenge for him to continue with his teasing of that night, knowing she couldn't remember most of it.

He tried to ignore the way she looked in his old clothes, his t shirt hanging limply over her body, drooping down to her mid thigh before cutting off, her long legs bare for him to take in, not that he would.

Because he had a girlfriend, a sexy, out-going girlfriend who for some reason was interested in him.

(And yet he could help the way his heart stuttered at the sight of Caitlin in his clothing.)

"No- nothing Doctor Snow. Absolutely nothing."

* * *

They had both climbed upon Iris' bed, Caitlin shuffling over and patting the empty spot beside her until Barry had caved to her silent pleas and sat beside her.

"So, how are you feeling about today?" He felt her body leaning into his more heavily, as though the were sharing the burden on her day upon him, and he felt his heart swell at the action.

"I'm not that bad actually. Don't get me wrong, I had him and then I lost him, and that's not the greatest feeling in the world, but I thought it would hurt more, and it really didn't." She looked up at him, a delicate smile on her face as she watched him, his eyes focussed on the bed spread, fingers tracing over the pattern on the covers. "And I have you, Cisco and the Flash to thank for that." He met her eyes with that, the smile moving to something more cheeky as she took in his stunned expression. "Well, you both reminded me that I wasn't alone in this and the Flash, well, I'm starting to understand the appeal of being a hero."

"A hero?" His eyebrows quirked as he teased her.

"And just who patches you up every time you are injured?" She had scoffed at his response, eyes rolling and elbow hitting him lightly on the chest. But nothing stood out more to the man than the smile that lit up her eyes and expression as she laughed at him. "I am the hero's hero."

"Yeah Cait," and he didn't know why his tone changed, why everything was suddenly less playful and more serious - why his heart felt more heavy than it had before. "Yeah you are."

"What about you? How are you dealing with today?" There was a shift in the atmosphere, the woman unsure how to navigate through this uncharted world. "Cisco told me about the discoveries in your old house, about you being there as an adult. Surely it's good news, knowing you can go back to save her."

"Yeah, it is." But his voice did not hold any joy, any optimism. It seemed defeated, almost resigned to the opposite fate described.

"But?" She probed gently, allowing him to dictate the direction of the conversation, hoping that he would open up and that she would be able to help him as he had helped her.

"It's just… what if I fail?" She tilted her head in confusion, her eyes silently urging him to continue, his own drifting away as he was swept away by the fears that lingered, cloaking his soul in a cold covering of panic. "Well, my blood was there, so that means I have tried it before. And failed. I'm not sure what I tried to do before so how can I learn from my mistakes, what if I'm not fast enough?" He took a shuddering breath before verbalising what he truly feared. "What if I'm doomed to never be able to save my parents."

"Oh Barry." And her hand sought his, squeezing it, hoping that she would be able to impart some hope from the contact, words failing the doctor at that very moment. But the way his fingers tightened around her own, interlocking and pulling them closer - she felt that words were not necessary just then.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have unburdened that on you. You've already got your own problems with Ronnie." And Caitlin could feel him pulling away, locking up the feelings that had been so raw just moments before. But she wouldn't let him.

"No, no, no. Don't you ever apologise for talking to me about your feelings Barry. _Never_. You are my friend and I will always be there for you." And she would have sworn his gratitude radiated from him, his smile, while almost blinding, was still dimmed by the fears that would never truly leave until he had succeeded. "Okay, I know the perfect thing." Reaching over him, her body pushed against his own and rummaging through her bags on the floor, she pulled out her laptop, turning it on. "When I would have an awful day, I would watch this film over and over. When Ronnie _left_ the first time, I think I watched this movie over a hundred times. Cisco had to come and pull me from my apartment after a few weeks." And he paused, wondering why she would want to share such a personal and intimate tradition with him. "So I figured, since we both are having kinda rubbsish days, we could watch it together." And she watched him, silence enveloping them both as her statement hung in the air.

"I hope that's okay." She gnawed at her lip, her eyes averting as she barred a part of her soul to him, unsure how it would be accepted. But the wonder shining in his eyes, the awe that tinged his tone as he spoke put rest to any concerns.

"That's perfect Cait, absolutely perfect."

And so, in front of the lap top screen, their sides pressed together, they watched the screen as the movie played on, slowly drifting off to sleep, their hearts lighter, the last bars of '_Summer Lovin'_ ' softly dying out in the background.

* * *

(They would wake up not knowing that Joe walked in some time after they fell alseep, resting against the door's frame, taking in the sight before him, their bodies subconsciously seeking out the other, Caitlin's head awkwardly laying on Barry's shoulder, the boy's arm resting in her lap, slowly inching its way across her waist.

They would not know that he closed the laptop, moving it to a safe place and kissed them both softly on the top of their heads before turning off the light.

They would only know that hadn't slept that well in months.

And that the only reason for it was the person they were currently wrapped around.)


	4. though we're worlds apart (you left)

_post 1x15:_

* * *

Cisco was dead.

Cisco was _dead_.

Her hand remained pressed against his pulse, hoping that she would feel something, anything, anything but the cold chill of his skin, blood not rushing through his veins for hours.

She remained by his side, the strength to move him, the strength to just _move_, something she was not in possession of that moment. She sat there and she waited for Barry to run in, to see her lying there, her best friend's body lying limply in her lap, and to save her. She needed him come and save her from the downward spiral of her thoughts, to save her from the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm her, to save her from that dark place that she knew all to well.

But Barry didn't come. Not immediately after saving Joe from the Weather Wizard, not after she left him over a dozen messages and voicemail. Not at all.

He had left her too.

She didn't know what she should do, she didn't know who to call. She had no one.

With a shaky hand she picked up her phone, ringing the one person who, while essentially being a stranger to her, would come within a moment's notice.

And he answered.

And he came.

* * *

Barry had never envisioned himself going to Iris' and Eddie's home, the thought of it still repulsing to him, memories of what occurred hours ago (and was it only hours ago?) replaying in his mind.

He could barely look the blond in the eye, the trust and care for him written into Eddie's expression crushing the speedster's heart, the guilt gnawing away at his heart increasing exponentially as the ramifications of his actions were finally hitting him.

"Caitlin." He could barely get her name out, his voice hoarse after the past hour, the revelations and torture only furthering his desire to reverse the past.

"She's not here Barry," and goodness that man was an awful liar, signs written all across his body that his words were not the truth - from his constantly shifting posture to his inability to meet his eyes for long.

"Felicity tracked her phone here Eddie. _Please _let me speak to her."

Because the sight of Cisco resting on the bed he had awoken from a few months ago, a thin sheet pulled over his face, he had no words to express the devastation he felt, his heart crushed in the very instant he realised what he was seeing and what it signified.

But his heart had stopped when Caitlin wasn't picking up her phone, the images flooding his mind threatening to sweep away into a world of perpetual agony.

He thought he had lost her too.

And he could barely survive losing Cisco, he could - he _would _not survive losing them both.

Eddie's shoulders slumped, the tension leaving his body as he didn't have to lie any further to his friend. But he still refused to move, his body blocking the entrance and nothing short of revealing his secret to the blond detective would enable Barry to reach her.

"I'm sorry Barry, but she said to not let you in." Barry looked over the top of Eddie's shoulders, catching a glimpse of a distraught Caitlin nestled up on his couch, his heart lurching at the state of the woman who had lost so much over the course of the past year, over the course of the past _day_.

Barry had replayed each message over and over, he had stumbled into the labs, he had seen the body.

"Please Eddie," and he would be willing to go on his hands and knees and _beg _the blond detective to give him five minutes to apologise, but he was resolute.

"I'm sorry, but Cisco, he's, gone. And Caitlin - she doesn't want to see you buddy."

"I know, I went to STAR Labs and -" his voice cracked, the emotional toll of the truth crashing down on him, drowning him "Please Eddie, she needs me and I -" The words caught in his throat. _And I need her_.

"I'm sorry Barry, but I don't think I should." And Barry couldn't blame the blond for closing the door on him, he couldn't hold him responsible, not when the confliction of his action was so obvious in his face, his desire to respect Caitlin's wishes only just winning over whatever loyalty he felt he owed Barry.

He stood there unmoving, his mind trying to process everything. Determination flashed in his eyes as he finally started moving, an idea forming in this mind.

Because while Eddie wouldn't let in Barry Allen, he might just let in the Flash.

* * *

"Hello Detective," The Flash's presence shocked him slightly, his suspicions that Caitlin was not a random target of Snart's now confirmed. "I need Caitlin for the moment."

"I don't think that would be wise right now." And Barry would have been impressed at the way Eddie was trying to protect Caitlin, if it wasn't him that Eddie was protecting her from. "She just lost someone really special to her, I don't think that she is going to be much use to you right now."

"I know Detective, he was my friend too. I've come to offer condolences." He could see the hesitation in Eddie's eyes and, deciding he had super-speed for a reason, he used it to go around him and into the room, his eyes softening as he took in the woman before him, her eyes red and puffy, tear streaks staining her porcelain skin, the shuddering breaths heavy and thick with emotion. "Cait."

And he pulled her from her trance, the doctor suddenly aware of her surroundings, of just _who_ was with her.

"You!" He flinched at her tone, the venom dripping off that single word more poisonous than anything he could have imagined, "I thought I told you to stay away from me." She turned accusingly to the detective by the door, watching their interaction with a level of confusion and interest. "I thought I told you to not let him in." He opened his mouth to deny the words hurled at him, when his mind paused, the gears turning, that statement processing.

"No..." Barry could pinpoint the very moment the detective realised his identity, but he couldn't focus on Eddie, on his disbelief and wonder, not with Caitlin laying there her eyes burning with silent accusations and betrayal.

"Caitlin." He pulled off his mask, his eyes pools of sorrow as he took in the sight before him, of her so broken and alone, of a life now bereft of almost everyone who had been there for her, of people who had cared. She curled herself into a ball, shrinking away from the world, so vulnerable and small Barry could feel physical agony watching it unfold before him. He sat beside her and she moved away from him. He reached out and she flinched away from his touch.

And he realised just how alone she felt in that moment.

"Caitlin I'm so sorry, Caitlin I-" The words were caught in his throat.

"Just go Barry, I don't need you." And Eddie actually to a step forward to escort him out of the room, his presence all but forgot after the Flash had entered. Barry had turned away from Caitlin to look at Eddie, his resolute defiance of those words written on his expression; he would fight to remain and they both knew it. The detective hesitated slightly at the look on Barry's face; he glanced at Caitlin, the final decision resting on her, and with the silent conversation taking place between them, he knew that she had allowed him to stay. He nodded slowly, turning to head to his bedroom, pausing on to tell her "just call if you need me."

And the room was plunged into silence.

She buried her face in her lap, trying to find strength within her to deal with the outfall of the day, but that river ran dry. She felt so weak and alone, her life, the life she had grown to love and cherish, torn to shreds in the space of a few hours. And the agony that came with it; oh, she thought that losing her fiance and reputation in the space of one night was awful, but this very moment rivalled even the most torturous days.

"Please Cait, just talk to me." A muffled sob was her only response, the sniffling and gasping causing the tears he refused to shed to sting his eyelids; seeing Cisco in the labs with no blood coursing through his veins, with no quick smile and easy joke wrecked him, but seeing Caitlin in this state, watching her realise her best friend was murdered by the man she looked up to as a mentor and an idol - he could never be prepared for that.

(And he _had _to help her; because the moment he would allow himself to think about how the man who had guided him, who had helped him with his powers, who had dared to act like he cared for the lives he destroyed actually _murdered _his friend, one of the few people to stick with the doctor after the failed launch of the accelerator particle - he didn't know how he could bring himself back from that without Caitlin as a rock.)

"Cait-" He had no shame with his voice cracking as it did, only a desperation for her to forgive him, to open up to him and allow him to be there for her existed. "_Please_." And she snapped. She sat up, uncurling herself, her eyes blazing as she moved forward, closer to him.

"You want to talk now? What about hours ago when I stumbled onto Cisco's unmoving body. What about when I left message after message on your phone. What about then Barry - Why didn't you want to talk then?" And there was no excuse, no words which could explain away his failure.

"I know I screwed up Caitlin, I'm so sorry."

"Where were you?" She punched his chest, the pressure building with her, an agonising scream tearing from her lungs. "I needed you, _he _needed you and you weren't there." He remained silent, taking the beating, letting her release all the emotions that had been bottling within her, knowing he deserved each and every word. "Where _were _you?!"

And he had no answer. All he could do was promise himself that, while he was not there for her before, he would not make the same mistake again.

He would protect her.

But he could not do it here.

"Come on Caitlin, we've got to go."

"No!" the shriek erupting from her cut through him; to see her in such a state was a revelation, the thought of her ever feeling this way again so utterly repulsive he swore he would do all he could to ensure it never happened again. "I'm not going _anywhere _with you."

"I'm sorry Caitlin, I really am. But you need protection, who knows what Wells is planning, especially since you know his secret." He was pleading with her, but she didn't seem to hear or care for his desperation.

"Eddie can protect me." She hissed it at him, "especially since he seems to be the only one who cares."

"Cait," her words were wounding, striking into his very heart.

"Don't you 'Cait' me Barry. I needed you. Me. I get that I'm no Iris or Joe, but I thought that you could have come when I called."

"Caitlin, you _know _that's not true." And somewhere deep down, she did. She recalled him leaving dates, his best friend - everything when she sent a text, but now, when it mattered most - he failed. And that was all she could see.

"I'm not sure what to believe anymore."

"You said it yourself in the voicemails, you saw the holograms just as I did; Wells is the Reverse Flash Caitlin, he killed Cisco and Wells was his idol. Don't think that he wouldn't hesitate to do the same to you or anyone who stood in his way." He grasped her hand, needing her understand what he was saying, but not knowing if he could get her to. "By staying here you're putting Eddie in danger, so please Caitlin, we'll go to your apartment, you and me and just - just let me take care of you." And she collapsed against him, her energy spent, her well of rage running dry, this hollowness within her growing. She nodded against him, not reacting as he pulled her in his arms, carrying her to the door, only pausing when he heard the bedroom door open and saw Eddie approaching them.

"Eddie -" but he was already nodding, understanding what was happening.

"Just take care of her okay?"

"I will." And Eddie could see the sincerity shining in his eyes, the statement more a promise. "With my life."

* * *

He had sped her to her apartment, hoping that the familiar surroundings would make her feel better.

The thought of Joe crossed his mind, now that Caitlin knew it would only be a matter of time before Wells came for all those they held dear. But he made her a promise, and he would keep it.

He carried her to her room, pulling out her pyjamas and leaving them on her bed, awkwardly exiting the bedroom as she changed, pulling out his phone and warning Joe that his suspicions were true - that Wells was not the good, kind man they had all believed for so long. That he was instead the Reverse Flash.

He shut the phone immediately once her head popped out from behind the door, her face falling slightly at the sight of him on the phone. Shoving it in his pocket, he approached her slowly, unsure how the rest of the night would progress, of whether she could even handle being close to him anymore. He stopped a few feet away from her, his eyes flickering down the corridor where her couch was located, but when he looked at her she was already shaking her head, her hand extended, dragging him into her room when he took it.

Sliding into her bed, Caitlin turned to Barry who had paused hesitantly beside her doorframe, unsure what she would feel comfortable with, especially as there was no chair in her room for him to sit on. She saw his confusion and, tapping the spot beside her, she averted her eyes, unable to meet his. "I, uhh, I don't want to feel alone. When we thought Ronnie was dead, Cisco di -" She stopped speaking, horror permeated her expression at her words, the realisation that her closest friend was no longer there to do small things like that for her, that they'll never resume their monthly show binge, that the Walking Dead will never be finished with him by her side - hitting her.

Barry, to his credit, reacted immediately, sliding beside her, placing a comforting arm around her, pulling her closer to him, holding her until she had the strength to pull away. They adjusted themselves, him sitting up, leaning against the headboard, watching the door for any sudden movements, her laying down, body pressed against his.

And it was so quiet in her room, the only noise was the steady breathing from the woman curled beside him. He had assumed she was asleep, and when her voice rang out, it startled him.

"Where were you?" Her voice was so small and delicate, no semblance of accusation in her tone, but a mixture of tiredness and curiosity.

"I was with Iris and Joe." He huffed, those moments now tainted with the revelation that while he was there, her life was being torn to pieces. "She uh, she knows my identity now and she had a few questions. I didn't even think of checking my phone after the tidal wave disappeared."

"I'm glad." And there was not a hint of sarcasm or bitterness in her words, just honesty, but somehow, that made the words hurt all the more.

"What?!" Because she shouldn't be happy for him, she needed to be angry, to feel hurt and abandoned. (Because how was he supposed to forgive himself if she was none of those things for longer than ten minutes).

"I'm glad one of us still has the person they loved and the man they looked up to like a father still alive and with them." She looked up at him through her lashes, her eyes too heavy too keep open, her exertion of energy finally catching up with her. "I'm glad you're happy."

And she fell asleep against him, a restless night of memories and nightmares welcoming her with open arms.

But Barry didn't sleep, he spent an inordinate amount of time looking at her sleeping form, pulling her into his embrace as she tossed and turned, pressing her face against his chest, allowing her tears to soak his shirt as she cried in her sleep.

And he kept watch, the fear that Wells would return and take another person he loved from him real and very much alive.

However, even if the fear wasn't present he still wouldn't be able sleep. Those last words kept him up all night.


	5. trust me (and i will love you back)

_post 1x16: (4.5)_

* * *

She was stumbling around, the incessant ringing of her doorbell driving her insane, words of rebuke resting on her tongue. She flung the door open, not sure who would be behind the door, not caring.

But she paused as she saw the look on the person's face.

"Barry?" And his eyes, so wild and crazed, she hadn't recognised the man in front of her for a moment. "Barry, what is it, what's wrong?" He just stood there, watching her with those eyes, not saying a word. And with her hand lightly clasping the fabric of his shirt, she guided him in, meeting no resistance. It was only after her front door was closed and she turned to him that he spoke.

"Caitlin." And he leant on her, drawing strength from her warmth, his arms wrapping around her, squeezing tightly, as though he would disappear if he lessened his hold for even a second. She blinked rapidly, confused at his reaction, not sure how she should respond. Slowly she rose her hands, sliding them loosely around his waist, sighing softly as she held him. Time passed before he felt okay, his grip on her slackening but not letting go. "Sorry... Sorry." He mumbled it into her, his lips brushing against her skin with each word.

"What did I say before Barry? You never need to apologise, not for this, not to me." And she felt his response, the rush of breath leaving his body, the sigh against the crook of her shoulder.

"Does this have anything to do with your lightning psychosis?" She felt more than his grumble of agreement, the young man finally pulling away from her, deflating before words came tumbling out.

"Have you ever felt like the world had been pulled out from underneath you, that your stranded in an ocean with no hope of rescue?" And sadness, the empathy he could see on her face, in her aura... she knew exactly what he was feeling.

And he knew why.

"Crap, I'm so sorry. I can't do anything right today." He pulled away completely at that, sliding his palm down his face as he attempted to wipe the weariness away, but it clung to his soul, dragging him down.

"No, oh gosh, Barry. I'm okay, it's okay. It doesn't hurt, not anymore. Come on," and she dragged him to the couch, pulling him down on it before joining him, her body facing his as she clasped his hands in her own, soothing circles rubbed against the inside of his palms, a small smile tinged with sadness spreading across her lips as she was the tension leave his shoulders, the man who had always been so large and effervescent now small and alone, curling up into himself, hiding from the world. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" She looked at him so hopeful, wanting to alleviate his pain, to help him with whatever was weighing in his mind, but his tongue was heavy in his mouth, words not forming, refusing to form. The silence prolonged, the atmosphere thick as he shuffled uneasily under her gaze. "Barry?" He didn't miss the slight quiver in his voice, her concern for him overshadowing everything else bar the shadow of hurt that he wouldn't trust her with his thoughts, And he hated the feeling, that he was hurting her without when trying, that anything and everything he would do, that he _could_, do would end up hurting her in a way he never wanted to happen.

"I can't Caitlin." And he couldn't. He didn't crush her soul the way he felt his was, he couldn't be responsible for seeing her smile dimmed every time she entered the place she loved just because he was suspicious of Doctor Wells.

"I see..." And he knew she couldn't, she couldn't see why he wasn't telling her anything, why he was keeping something from her.

"No Caitlin." She had dropped his hand, retreating in to herself, his own already reaching out, desperate for her not to leave him, for her to stay. She flinched away from the contact, looking away as he dropped his hand, the shattered remnants of his heart dropping as she did so.

It's fine Barry." She cut him off, her smile tight as she tried to convince him of just how unaffected she was. But she was failing, body shifting constantly, shifting further away from him, her eyes dropping to her hands as she wrung them, unsure how to proceed. "You don't owe me anything, you don't need t-"

"I ran back into the past." Her body stilled, turning slightly back to him. "I kissed Iris and she kissed me back and it was great, but then I ran through time and she forgot all about it and I screwed everything up between us," he huffed a breath, the exhale relieving some of his tension, eyes flittering around as he confessed only half of what had been weighing on his mind. "But then you fixed everything up, and now it's great between us, but it still happened Caitlin and I don't know how to forget it."

"Why are you telling me this Barry?" Because he wasn't doing it to hurt her, she hadn't realised herself how much it would hurt to hear that he had kissed Iris, but it did and she had to know why he was telling her that, not when she had already tried to help, not when she didn't possess the ability to change the past as he evidently did.

"We don't keep secrets in science." But the look on her face persisted, wearing him quickly down, truths he hadn't himself realised tumbling out. He sighed, "I don't know. I just, you're my constant, you know. I don't know who I can trust anymore, where I stand anyone, but you... I know I can trust you, I know where I am with you."

"Oh..." She knew he was still hiding something from her, his eyes were darting away after a while, unable to remain in contact with hers for long, but he had given her this, and she would take it.

"So Doctor Snow, what do you prescribe?"

"How do you feel about some hot chocolate and a good friend?" She shrugged helplessly, unsure how to treat a speedster with a complicated love life with anything.

"Yeah," and for the first time that night he smiled, "I'd like that a lot."

* * *

She had brought two cups of the steaming liquid to the couch, handing him one before sipping on her own, licking her lips as it burnt her tongue, the warm drink down her throat taking her down memory road, of times where her life was simple, just a nine year old child sitting with her mother and father, her face pressed against the window as the skies lit up, thunder erupting as the storm rolled on.

They talked about the little things of life, of their childhood and life before everything in the past year. They held their now empty cups, the residual heat keeping their fingers warm, the conversation their hearts. They both steadily ignored the time slipping away; it was the weekend and they both had nowhere they would need to be.

But when their yawns were more prevalent than words, they reluctantly agreed that it was time to rest.

"I..." She drifted off, unsure how to word her sentence. "It's a little late for you to go back, I an get you a blanket if you want to take the couch." She watched him through her lashes, the smile that seemed impossible with his arrival now lighting up his face, teeth shining as he nodded eagerly at her words.

"I'd love that Cait," she could hear how drowsy he was, his words slurring slightly, voice thick. Smiling slightly, she walked away, putting her cup in the sink before going to her cupboard, pulling out a blanket and pillow, her arms full as she waddled back to her living room.

Putting his empty cup down on the table on his side, he smiled as she handed him a blanket, an arm snaking around her waist and pulling her down beside him when she turned to leave.

"Barry," she squirmed in his grasp, "let me go."

"No." He chucked as she continued to try fruitlessly to escape from his hold, the sound of her laughter ringing out, its melodious sound bringing out a smile. "You're staying with me tonight."

"But I have my own bed, and it's warm, and comfortable." She had stopped attempting to leave, relaxing against his lean frame, her head turned as she pouted at his insistence of having her here.

"Please Caitlin," and suddenly, he didn't sound so teasing, actual emotion slipping into his tone as his face fell slightly at the thought of being alone.

"I'll stay until you fall asleep, how about that?" She smiled at him, her need to comfort him, to make him feel safe, greater than anything at that moment and he was helpless to refuse her compromise.

* * *

She fell asleep first, curled into his body, her hairs tickling his face as he looked down at her, the smile that had been so brief before now a permanent fixture as he watched over her, his heart a little lighter now he had unburdened just some of what he was dealing with to her.

In the dark of the night he pulled her closer, the blanket meant for him now covered both of them. And he knew that, no matter how difficult it became to navigate his relationship with Iris, no matter how difficult it was with the future, especially if his fears were confirmed, him and her, their friendship, it would always be easy.

And if they ever became something more in the future, he had a feeling that it would be easy too.

* * *

A few weeks later she found herself in Detective West's house yet again, her heart slowly being pieced together after Well's the Reverse Flash's betrayal. She sat silently as they discussed how he travelled through time. She listened to their disbelief and curiosity, avoiding eye contact in case they would be able to see that she knew, that she had kept that from them just as he had.

"There was a tsunami-"

"When was that?" She cut him off confused, speaking for the very first time since he had started explaining that time travel was not only possible but that he had done it already.

"A few weeks ago," and her mind took her back to that night, the secrets and half-truths hidden in his words finally coloured by honesty, the situation he was so determined to protect her from finally making sense.

He was protecting her from the truth of Wells, he was giving her what precious moments of normalcy he could, even as his world was overturned without a person to rely on bar Joe.

He was trying to be hero both in and out of the suit, without expecting anything in return, without expecting her to realise.

And damn, if it didn't make her heart stutter at the thought.


	6. i will be your soldier

_post 1X19:_

* * *

The knocking was persistent. Loud, and persistent.

And it was for that reason Joe sprinted down the stairs, fear flooding his system as a multitude of possible scenarios ran through his mind. When he opened the door, his eyes darting around to see the danger, he could only see one thing. One person.

A shivering Caitlin at his doorstep, pain written across her very being, sorrow stamped across her soul.

"Barry." It was the wrong name, it wasn't _her _name, and yet that was the name that slipped out from his mouth, the sadness and sympathy he felt encapsulated in the exhale. The way she slumped at its mention however, the way she relaxed at the name made him feel like it was the right thing to say.

Bundling her inside he shut the door and brought her up the stars, her body scarily pliant to the directions he was giving it. Pausing at the door of Barry's room, he pulled Caitlin closer, a worrying look thrown her way before he knocked on the door, hoping Barry was what she needed.

"Barry, Bar wake up." Joe could hear noise behind the door, grumblings from the young adult, complaining about the time and lack of sleep and whatever was flowing through his mind at the moment. But soon enough the door creaked open, the boy wiping away the sleep from his eyes, clearly still trapped in between his dreams and reality. However, the dazed look on his face was replaced by one of concern when he caught sight of why Joe was there, why he was being awoken at this hour, and his complaints died away on his tongue.

"Caitlin," and it was the sight of him, the whisper of her name on his lips that had her crumbling, the emotions she tried to repress now loose. He pulled her into his arms, rocking her slightly, praying that she would find some comfort in him.

With a quick nod to Joe who was watching this unfold before his eyes, he shut the door and drew her further inside, pulling her towards his bed and against his chest. She curled against him, so small in his arms, so delicate, so fragile. And so broken.

"Cait, look at me, _look at me_."

And she did, a glassy sheen covering her eyes, tears glistening unshed as she failed to hold onto her emotions. It was then he fully realised just how much the revelation would shatter her, he had been given a glimpse of it the night before, but now, holding her in his arms, body shaking from the overwhelming nature of it all, he saw it fully. And he hated the Reverse Flash all the more for it.

"I keep seeing him everywhere." Her voice shook with the confession, the confirmation of the situation striking her far worse than the consideration of it being true. "He comes into my room and he's Doctor Wells, and he's so hurt that we think he could be anyone but." Barry paused, allowing her to speak without interruption, knowing she needed to let it out and touched it was him she had chosen. "And he talks about Ronnie, about how he helped him, about how all he wanted to do is help people and we were just accusing him of being a murderer. And I'd approach him, I'd apologise, and he'd, he'd -" She cut off, her breathing erratic as the trauma of revelation overcame her, Barry's heart stopping momentarily as it unfolded before him.

"It's okay Cait, it's okay, you're here with me. Caitlin, it's okay." He pulled her head against his chest when she stopped speaking, the words whispered into her hair, the anguish she was feeling clutching at his heart, squeezing it until it physically ached along side her own.

"It's not okay Barry, it's… not…" And her chest heaved with every shaky exhale, her voice high pitched, cracking as she finally allowed the tears to roll, her frame shaking with such force, her life crumbling before her very eyes.

"Shh, Caitlin. I've got you." And he did, swearing to himself that if she ever needed anything, he would be there for her.

"But how Barry, he destroyed your life, and mine, and Cisco's… how can any of this be okay?" He was struck speechless at her words, how she could possibly think of him and the impact it would have when it was her life that had been ripped from beneath her, her life which had been turned on its head, incomprehensible to him. And yet it made perfect sense, because if there was one person who would think of others before herself, it was Caitlin. Pausing slightly, he gave himself time to gather his thoughts before opening his mouth to speak.

"I remember someone once telling me that life would get easier." He wasn't sure if she recognised her own words, but he hoped she did, he hoped she would see the impact she had had on him, how different his life would be without her. "Now, I know she was talking about something else, but it's true here too. Hey-" he lifted her chin, the tear streaks across her face so bold shining against the light that he couldn't resist the urge to stop, his hand rising to cup her neck, his long fingers spanning her neck, his calloused thumb stroking her face as he tried to remove the evidence of her tears. "Caitlin, I know you're hurt, I know you feel lost, like your whole career has been a lie, but it hasn't. Because everything led to you being at STAR Labs, to helping me save people, to helping save _me_. I don't think any of it could have been done without you, so every life i helped save, every person who didn't lose someone they care about, you are responsible for that, for their happiness. Do you get what I'm saying?" And with a shaky exhale she nodded, tension seeping out of her body as he quelled the fears she hadn't verbalised.

She relaxed in his arms, the scent that was uniquely Barry washing over her, soothing her fears, and for the first time after he had told them his suspicions she felt safe. He pulled her closer, a soft kiss placed on the top of her head as she calmed down, his own heart rate slowing now she seemed to calm. They stayed there not moving, his arms still tight around her, the young man refusing to loosen his hold. But she wasn't complaining; she snuggled closer to him, the steady beat of his heart comforting her, the security he provided, the strength and kindness bottled in his lean frame warming her, the chill of betrayal melting away as she remembered that there were people that were there for her, that cared for her. People like Barry.

It was then she seemed to notice how close they were, too close and too soon.

She stiffened in his arms immediately, pulling away from his warmth, even with something within her yearning to return. She ignored the look of confusion on his face, the hurt at the reaction, the thoughts of earlier, of them - of what she thought was them - kissing, now returning, the feelings swelling up in the moment of stillness between them.

"Cait, what's wrong?" She could hear the worry bleeding into his tone, his arms reaching out for her, to touch her, pausing midway when she stiffened at the thought. She staunchly avoided his eyes, not sure what he would see in them, afraid of what would be seen in them.

"Caitlin!" She jumped, teeth gnawing at her bottom lip as she debated the pros and cons of telling him what had transpired hours ago.

"It's just that you kissed me." She internally winced at how it came out, not entirely satisfied with its wording.

"What?!" His voice was slightly louder than he was expecting it to be, confusion laced into the word.

"No, not _you_. Everyman kissed me while he was you and I thought it was you and - yeah." She deflated at the words, uncomfortable now the confession was spoken aloud, the urge to run present but ignored.

"And what, did you enjoy it?" The smirk on his face died away as he noted the blush creeping up her face and the silence that spoke louder than any response. "Oh."

"Oh indeed." She still couldn't meet his eyes, embarrassment burning her cheeks red, any situation preferable to the awkward one she was currently enduring.

"Did you enjoy the kiss or the fact that it was me?" He didn't mean for the words to come tumbling out, his mind working faster than its filter, an almost desperate need for an answer, for the truth, overcoming him in that moment. And Caitlin's eyes met his, the panic stricken expression crossing her face all he needed to see.

He _knew_.

Barry didn't know how to respond, her words stirring something inside of him he thought had disappeared, something he didn't want to wake, not with her so distraught, not with the mess in their lives after the betrayal of the Reverse Flash.

She got up shakily, taking a few steps away from Barry before turning to face him. "So, thanks for this." She cringed at how shaky her voice was, "I should be heading home now, so I'll see you tomorrow." And she turned back to the door, determined to leave before the situation could become more awkward, leaving a still Barry on his bed. But he wasn't there for long, a belated realisation that she intended leave the room, to leave _him_, had Barry running to stop her, putting himself between her and the door.

She jumped as he cupped the crook of her elbow, his grip not allowing her to escape.

"Caitlin." And had his voice always been that low? Her eyes flittered upwards, meeting his, a swirl of emotions she would enjoy spending time deciphering and analysing in his eyes. "You've had an exhausting day, you should probably go to sleep, here." His voice was gruff and she couldn't deny that with her emotions now so raw, with her feelings bubbling just under the surface, his tone affected her more than she would care to admit, especially with everything being so new and confusing.

"I really shouldn't impose," but he chuckled at her words, tugging her closer, noting with some relief how relaxed she appeared now, how comfortable she was in his arms.

(How _right _she looked in his arms.)

"Caitlin." At that moment her name held so much more than a plea disguised as a playful order, her insides twisting at its utterance, her heart thumping within her as she analysed every inflection and touch.

"Alright," and it was, especially if it was the reason a smile broke out across his face, her heart skipping a beat as she cursed these newly discovered feelings. She was only left alone for a moment when he went to get her a change of clothes, the same worn shirt from weeks before in his hand as he sheepishly looked up at her, flashbacks to the night they fell asleep in front of her laptop bringing smiles to both their faces.

And it went on, neither of them moving from their place before the other, each holding the shirt held limply in their hands. their lingering moment lasting longer than it should. It was only until Caitlin cleared her throat, her expression rousing Barry from whatever thoughts he had lost himself in, indicating that he would either have to leave the room or allow her to do so she could change into the pajama. A soft 'oh' left his mouth at the realisation of what she wanted before he shuffled out of the room, his time spent trying to not think about the fact she was behind this door. Changing. Into one of his old shirts. He tried distracting himself with anything and everything, waiting for her to open the door and let him back in.

When she did so, he returned to the room, forcing his eyes to not follow the outline of her body as he did so blatantly before in the bar, a heightened sense of awareness between the both of them catching him out on so many things he didn't realise he did.

"So I guess this is good night?" And she moved towards the door, only stopping when his hand banded around her wrist, tugging her toward him with more force than necessary, her stumble into his chest leaving her leaving her momentarily breathless.

"Where do you think you're going?" He quirked an eyebrow at her, amused be her expression and waiting for a response.

"Iris' old room." It came out like a question, unsure if that was acceptable, the lady having slept in that room until recently, the quick move back into Eddie's apartment and arms leaving a dull ache in Barry. But that was nothing in comparison to this now, the sight of Caitlin so traumatised by her hero and mentor that she would come to his house at three in the morning, shaking in fear and he needed her to know that.

He shook his head slowly, a small smile adorning his face as he pointed to his own bed, her look of confusion quickly replaced by one of understanding when she realised just what he wanted, heat flooding her cheeks at the thought of it, of her body wrapped in his clothing and lying in his bed, his scent surrounding her, lulling her to sleep, the last thing she'll smell that night and the first thing she would in the morning.

Barry, having taken her pause as acceptance, walked to his bed, and pulled open his covers he smiled softly as she slipped underneath them, curling up in the residual warmth left from his body. He looked down on her in awe, unable to resist pressing a soft kiss on her forehead and a gentle whisper of goodnight before he wandered towards the door, flicking his light off. The door creaked as he opened it, his body basked in the glow of the hall light, pausing slightly before turning to leave, her voice stopping him immediately.

"Hey, where do you think you are going?" And if she didn't think he would notice how she repeated his words at her almost verbatim, she was wrong. Because he did.

"Well, if you're crashing my room I figured I should be the one to take Iris' old room or the couch or -"

"I'm not going to attack you in your sleep Barry," she smiled at him, her vulnerability slipping into the cracks of her expression, the need for a comforting presence, for _his _comforting presence, overpowering her emotions. "Please, it would - it'd be nice knowing I was safe when I was sleeping."

"Okay." He slid in behind her, his cold toes brushing against the skin of her calves, eliciting a shiver down her spine and a gasp of surprise.

And he was stiff beside her, unsure how to go forth with the new information, not quite knowing what would be acceptable, where the line was between them. Huffing in annoyance Caitlin grabbed his arm and wound it around her waist, locking their fingers together and relaxing against him. Slowly but surely she felt the tension seep out of him and pull her closer. It was then that she allowed herself to succumb, she felt herself being drawn into the safety of sleep, his protecting arms around her. But she couldn't, not with his eyes watching her as intensely as they were, bearing into her back. so she turned, facing him instead, teetering on the cusp of oblivion, finally allowing herself to sleep and knowing it would be peaceful, that he would protect her from the nightmares that would lurk on the edge of her dreams.

"What?" And she met his eyes sleepily, the bright green shining in the dark the last thing she saw before she fell asleep, too far gone to hear his response.

"Nothing."


End file.
